Monday, 19 September 2016

Sing Street (2016) Reviewed by Darth Vader

My name is Darth Vader and recently I formed a Galactic Empire with my master, Emperor Palpatine. Bringing about such momentous change required me to go through some tough transformations, and now that things are settling down I decided to take a break and watch John Carney's Irish musical comedy-drama Sing Street, which I've heard is a very enjoyable film.

This uplifting coming-of-age story follows a group of schoolboys in Dublin in 1985. They go to a really terrible state-school called Synge Street, which I swear is probably an even worse institution than the Jedi Academy was. I mean, both were really strict and most of the teachers were pretentious assholes, but at least the other padawans at the Jedi Academy were fairly nice. Synge Street in comparison is full of gross bullies who give our protagonist Conor a really hard time for no reason. The worst bully was Barry, who reminded me of that idiot on Tattooine, Sebulba. That takes some good acting—Sebulba was CGI!

In the end Barry was kind of redeemed. I found that nice but fairly unbelievable. I mean, good luck redeeming me!

Anyway, I totally related with this protagonist Conor guy. He reminded me of when I was a kid. He saw this pretty girl who was older than him, Raphina, and he just straight up pursued her. That's like with me and Padmé! Conor formed a band called Sing Street to impress Raphina. I became a Jedi. There were some shaky times in the relationship but eventually, just like Padmé, Raphina admitted her love for Conor. Their kiss was so cute! I miss kissing. Also Padmé.

Sing Street's music was really good. Almost made me want to dance.

The band were also so cool. Like, they were really nice to each other. Particularly Eamon. He never said no to any of Conor's crazy ideas. They always had time for one other. I should show this film to my master.

One of the most heartfelt relationships depicted in this film was between Conor and his maste- I mean older brother Brendan. I found this part quite difficult to watch. Difficult in the sense that when I cry too much I have to have my helmet removed and thoroughly cleaned (a laborious and embarrassing process) to prevent infection.

Brendan teaches Conor lots, but then just like with me and my brother Obi-Wan, Brendan realised his younger brother was better at everything and got jealous. That's why I had to fight Obi-Wan. But through music Brendan and Conor managed to get over their issues and keep loving each other. Doh, I wish Obi-Wan and I had tried music before lightsabers!

There's an epitaph at the end of the film: "For brothers everywhere". Ah, stop it. Stop it. I'm not going to cr- stop it!

Sing Street is a great film. It really lifted my spirits and I can recommend it to anyone who had a troubled childhood and/or likes music. It made me happy and it made me sad, particularly when I realised I have become like the bully Barry. Oh well, it's nice to see myself represented on screen either way.

Oh no, my helmet is filled with tears. I'm going to have to get it cleaned again. 8th time this week! Nooooooooooooooooooo!

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